Am I an Adult?

"When I was at your age, i already have a 3 years old son."

That's what my mom said a few months ago. It's my birthday today, and I'm officially turning to 24. I feel old, but I don't feel that I'm an adult. I mean... as my last year post as I said age is just a number. I'm 24, it doesn't mean that I'm an adult tho... and I'm not ready for a marriage. I said to my mom that I want to get married in my 30s and as I had predicted, she can't understand my will. I do really want to get married, but with my condition right now? Srsly? Nope. I never get into any kind of serious relationship. I don't want to. Cause I'm not ready yet. When am I ready? idk.

I already tried to have a relationship. Failed. I didn't try it once. But still.. failed. Well, I'm not that kind of girl who like to check their bf's phone. I have no interest with their password on social media. I never block those girls who tried to getting close to my bf (ex). I've asked my friends who already did that kinda thing. Why? I just can't understand. They said I will do the same thing like them after I found 'The one'. And I still...can't understand. But I knw the main reason why I'm failed: I didn't want to meet their parents cause it means that we'll going to be more serious about our relationship. And i just.. can't.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid because they'll see me as: that kind of girl who have no experience to do some household stuff. They'll see me as a future wife who incapable to taking care of their son. And that's the truth.

I have no experience in doing a housework. I can't wash and iron my clothes. I can't cook. I can't do anything. My mom didn't allow me to that kind of stuff. And I'm gladly accept it. My mom will wake me up and i'll take a bath. My school uniform already ironed, breakfast's ready, watch television while waiting my ojek to picking me up. All is done.

Everything changed after I have to live in Samarinda... alone. I went out from my comfort zone when I have to live in a boarding house. I have zero knowledge! Really! Thank to all of my boarding house friends. I remember that time when I washed my clothes, they found that I was using a fabric conditioner instead of detergent. Ria, one of my housemate teached me how to wash my clothes by hand then. I learn lot of some new stuffs: I know how to cook rice, cook using a rice cooker (we dont cook rice, something else), we wash our dishes after eating, and many others. And it's fun!



I've learned.. and still learning. But until right now, I (still) don't feel like an adult. And I (still) have no idea about marriage.

Guess I'm not. Here's a childish me.